


Dinner?

by RetrobrandTerobrand



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), Love Triangles, M/M, Unresolved Romantic Tension, human peter the panda - Freeform, mild pining, of sorts I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:09:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22286140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RetrobrandTerobrand/pseuds/RetrobrandTerobrand
Summary: The man was infuriating, but fascinating in such a way that continually powered the spark in Peter’s need to know, to understand why an agent, who was five feet tall, had an inane habit of getting under his skin, as well as somehow garnering his interest.The only option that wasn’t eluding him was tactics that should have been far beneath a grown man. But fighting dirty was what they both did. Little boys tugged pigtails in the schoolyard, and he swiped his foot harshly against an ankle on a rainy day in Seattle.Perry’s leg crumbled, but the other caught his fall, and he twisted around like a bullet, brown eyes tangling with Peter’s own amused gaze as his hands moved in a sharp whirlwind.‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’Or:They knew each other, Peter and Perry, before Doofenshmirtz.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz & Perry the Platypus, Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus, Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus/Peter the Panda, Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Peter the Panda, Hinted, Perry the Platypus/Peter the Panda (Phineas and Ferb)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 119





	Dinner?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Quinacridone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Quinacridone/gifts).



Peter felt a tad comparable to school yard bully, eyes narrowed thoughtfully as he gazed imploringly down at the man walking in front of him, back impossibly rigid and his hair slightly tustled from running.

It wasn’t rare he was in Seattle, but it also wasn’t often, and so throughout their mission, despite his goal to dig beneath his stony exterior, Perry had obliviously glided past each one of his attempts to ask the man to dinner.

Spelling it out clearly didn’t work, nor did laying a hand on his shoulder and signing _‘dinner?’_

Perry had raised an eyebrow, pen tapping impassively over his notepad as he signed back that if Peter was that hungry, he could leave early.

The man was infuriating, but fascinating in such a way that continually powered the spark in Peter’s need to  _ know,  _ to understand why an agent, who was five feet tall, had an inane habit of getting under his skin, as well as  _ somehow _ garnering his interest.  The only option that wasn’t eluding him was tactics that should have been far beneath a grown man. But fighting dirty was what they both did. Little boys tugged pigtails in the schoolyard, and he swiped his foot harshly against an ankle on a rainy day in Seattle.

Perry’s leg crumbled, but the other caught his fall, and he twisted around like a bullet, brown eyes tangling with Peter’s own amused gaze as his hands moved in a sharp whirlwind.

_ ‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’ _

Peter just grinned.

* * *

The next time they meet, it’s in Danville, not Seattle.

Danville all but oozed a metaphorical rainbow. A perfect city for a perfect agent, he supposed.

Peter enjoyed the weather, and envied the heat that didn’t scrape at his skin like the humidity did back in Seattle. The sky was always clear, clouds white and never threatening a gloomy downfall. It was nice- the closest to a vacation he had had in years.

Most of all, he enjoyed the furious look that enveloped Perry’s face the moment Monogram assigned them on a mission together.

It was quite pleasant, standing in the middle of a pristine white base- nothing out of place, watching Perry’s dark eye’s flick between Monogram and himself. 

He found himself wondering, while he watched, why it bothered the agent so much. The few times they had paired up, it was tense, both their personalities clashing in sharp uncertainty- both doubting the others competency. But Perry worked efficiently, and had a subtly vicious sense of humour that Peter grew to enjoy. 

A lot of it was unprecedented, but he  was far more interesting than any of his other co-workers. Perhaps it was something about his constant silence, and how he was always apathetically polite and unerringly professional. 

There was, of course, quite the hideous streak of brutality lingering beneath the agent’s thick skin, and Peter admired it; enough that he didn’t just want to annoy the agent for the sake of annoying him. 

Perry was rapping his fingers against the underside of his seat now, suspicion laced through his expression as he side eyed Peter. 

“I think it’ll be beneficial, a tag team mission,” Monogram mused, unaware of the thick tension he had spread across the lair. He waved a pale hand, a quick dismissal, while Carl rattled on about the importance of teamwork in the background. 

Peter kept his own face flat, clasping a hand over the back of Perry’s red chair with a suggestive quirk to his eyebrows. Perry didn’t glance up at him, or spare even a brief acknowledgement, saluting sharply to the Major before cutting the call.

The silence was broad and bitter for a second, dripping with Peter’s own curiosity and Perry’s irritable hesitation. 

Peter stepped back, watching impassively as the tense lines of Perry’s shoulders relaxed marginally. He hummed, and offered a hand to the agent.

_ ‘Where’s your ride, Platypus?’ _

He was interested in what car he drove- what was in it, if he was paranoid like all the other agents and kept guns hidden in compartments and knives under the seats.

Perry ignored him, standing sharply- ever the professional, eyes exuding what Peter assumed was a very belated feeling of dread.

The very same emotion happened to elude Peter.

A dark hand gestured down the hall, nimble and slightly scarred,  _ ‘After you.’ _

~~

Agent P had a habit of sitting comfortably in silences that had uncomfortable overtones.

He didn’t offer much in way of conversation, Peter learnt rather quickly. Even though they both knew sign language, the most he ever offered was a flat stare or the quick, unimpressed quirk of his lips. 

It was a bit annoying, at first, trying to goad him into a conversation, prodding into the sharp exterior that didn’t allow Peter a peak of even an iota of information about the agent.

At most, the only noise he had made was a drawn out exhale when Peter began fiddling with the radio, seat extended back as he whistled to himself. 

It was hard to tell if the agent was like this with everyone, or if he just had a specific dislike for Peter. 

Which, honestly, was at least some form of attention from the agent.

Peter smiled, flicking the volume back up when Perry twisted the dial down, silently revelling in the irritation that was rolling off the agent in waves.

“Want to stop for lunch?”

Perry’s eyes stayed firmly on the road, hands tensing over the wheel while his eyebrows flicked up, the only indication of his surprise at Peter’s voice.

“What, you don’t eat?”

No response.

“You can’t focus on a mission with an empty stomach, you know.”

They pulled onto the highway, a bit sharply, and Perry fiddled with something to his side, the windows rolling down to let in a harsh whirlwind of air that assaulted his ears in a cacophony of sharp whistling.

Peter scowled. 

Dickhead.

~~~

He kept trying, even when Perry slammed the car door shut with a little too much force, irritation all but a fuzzy migraine around his head.

“It’s quite nice here.”

Perry glanced up at him, face blank and uncertain, like he didn’t quite agree.

It was admittedly difficult, trying to connect with someone he knew so little about- someone who actively shrugged off his attempts at establishing a tentative alliance- on purpose or not. Peter shrouded his motivations in formative assholeish-ness, but he expected something  _ more  _ by now.

Perry picked up his pace, scowling like he could hear all the thoughts traversing through Peter’s mind. They didn’t need to rush, but Perry did, as if he could lose his partner in the narrow turns and corners that sat in the dirtier parts of Danville.

Beneath the dirt, however, was the ease of  _ living _ that Peter could admire. Lanterns hung from slanted buildings with ragged paint, glowing faintly in the afternoon. There was the sound of children laughing in the distance, and the scrape of a chair being dragged out in front of a restaurant. 

It was nice.

Seattle was always a blur of rain. The same structure- no change, no one to harass, or goad into a fight.

He raised an eyebrow.

“The suspects are from Seattle, yeah? Maybe we should just go to a cafe. They’ll flock there eventually.”

Perry didn’t laugh.

Not that Peter expected him to, so he just grinned, tugged at his hat, and sped up his pace, revelling in his mild act of inconvenience when the shorter agent had to jog to catch up.

He could feel the glare burning into the back of his head, but it didn’t matter, and Peter did his best to stay in the lead- to keep control in his end of the court.

Perry hated it, if the heavy scowl was anything to go by.

But he didn’t let up, throwing indifferent comments to the agent until they finally settled in on a suitable position for the stakeout.

It was in a warehouse that, despite the vast emptiness of it, somehow felt even more suffocating. Like in the midst of their silence- the fact that they were alone together in some room- should have revealed some alluring fact. 

He wouldn’t have minded just the one day.

A one night stand, maybe.

It would be fun, to get him into bed- to see what he was like, if he was just as much a control freak in the sheets as he was in the streets.

Nothing happened, of course, because Perry locked himself down tighter than a lock, settling down near the window with a small pair of binoculars as he fidgeted with his tie.

He returned Peter’s gaze at one point, tangling his eyes with the overt, and much more confident, pair of piercing, almost black, eyes. 

The expression Perry returned was one of disbelief, and he went back to looking, patiently staring down the rotten dirt down below.

Peter shoved his hands in his pockets, mouth pursing in interest as he meandered over to the agent.

They never had to worry about bulky cameras on stakeouts, thanks to their hats. A small relief. Peter hated waiting for the right moment to click- to capture the perfect image of someone that revealed everything.  He plucked the binoculars out of Perry’s hands, pulling it out of reach when the agent automatically twisted back around for it, flat frown twisting into a displeased scowl.

“Go take a break,” Peter muttered, instead of voicing the lingering query that’d been sitting on his tongue.

Whether the agent ever does anything. If he has a life outside of being an enigma, if he wanted to do something so outrageously outside of what was expected of the great Agent P.

He scoffed, irritated despite himself, and finally mustered a glare when all Perry did was stare.

“Take a break.”

Peter almost thought he spotted a burst of gratefulness across copper eyes. 

He dismissed it, and settled in for the mind aching torture that was watching, then waiting.

* * *

The first time they meet outside of a team up is with Doofenshmirtz. 

Jealousy was a cruel act, but he toyed with it all the same. 

It was easy to find out the identity of his nemesis, readying himself to fake a like minded connection- but he ended up liking the doctor anyway- lingering in a convention that would have otherwise bored him.

Perry showed up almost dramatically. Perfectly timed (of course the guy is punctual), face pinched in it’s usual frown, but this time his eyes were carrying a fair amount of hurt as he gazed past Peter, focusing on Doofenshmirtz, who at least had the sense to look sheepish.

He raised a hand, like he was about to sign something, but thought better of it, boring his eyes into Doofenshmirtz, a silent question in his genuity, if this is what he was  _ really _ doing.

The scientists understood, at least to some extent, rubbing at his head as he shuffled his feet from side to side.

“It’s just better this way.”

Perry still hadn’t bothered to look his way. 

Peter frowned, wondering why, now that Perry was here, the scientist wasn’t telling him to get out. 

He felt a bit bad, very briefly. A tad regretful, when his plan failed as Perry left- no angry gesturing or infighting.

It wasn’t pleasant.

Even if he did mildly enjoy the ramblings of a doctor who actually seemed interested in his flaky personality. 

But it didn’t sit right. He’s an intruder, he knows. Even if it is a nice change of pace to his nemesis, who bragged so much about his ambiguity it almost always bored Peter to near sleep.

“Have you met him before?”

Doofenshmirtz had stepped away from the door now, looking surprisingly intuitive for once. 

“Pardon?”

“Perry,” Doofenshmirtz asked, almost suspiciously, eyeing where Peter had been staring pensively near the window that Perry had been standing by. 

“I have.”

“And?” They’re staring at each other now, and Peter’s stomach flipped curiously.

A strange nemesis for a strange agent. 

He ignored the question and disassembled Doofenshmirtz’s machine with flat indifference, barely reacting when the scientist worked himself up into a fit about his apathy. He suddenly didn’t care that much about his backstory, in all honesty.

The fact that Perry obviously did, surprised him.

* * *

The second time they meet outside of a team up is in Seattle. 

He supposed Perry was there on professional grounds, an order from his Major, but Peter wasn’t. 

There was something significantly deep about the relationship that Perry and Doofenshmirtz shared, more so than the one that Doofenshmirtz had formed between himself and Peter. It was rare, shrouded in what an outsider would just call animosity. 

But of course, they cared deeply for each other. 

It was interesting, to say the least.

He’s not jealous. Maybe envious, that Doofenshmirtz had wiggled his way into Perry’s life like he had tried to. 

Because watching the scientist scramble to explain himself to the agent, whose pristine suit was splattered in rain as he stood and gazed down at the man who evidently meant a whole lot to him, was something that not just everyone could have.

And then of course, they’re all interrupted by Heinz shrinking himself down to the size of a puppet and inadvertently causing his own impromptu kidnapping.

It’s the first time Peter’s seen panic, as mild and covered up as it was, painting Perry’s face during a mission.

Although for Perry, Peter supposed it wasn’t a mission. It was personal. He liked Doofenshmirtz; cared for him beyond what was considered the standard relationship between nemesis’s. 

Peter vaguely noted that if it were Mystery up there, he wouldn’t have been having the same crisis. 

But he didn’t have to force himself to match Perry’s resolve, so much so that he almost missed Perry not snatching the pilots seat for himself. An act of trust that Peter didn’t properly register until long after they sat together in the Space Needle. 

Though the stress, in his opinion, was unneeded. He and Perry worked well together, despite his constant attempts to irritate the agent into giving him anything that wasn’t the rigid mask he always bore with tenacious determination.

Now, Perry was worried.

Peter can see that much. He had never been good at comfort, or reading between the lines of emotions that were complex and long. But there’s still a gentle ease to his touch that surprised even himself, hand resting on Perry’s back in a show of comfort as Doofenshmirtz was whisked away by some red psychopath.

Perry doesn’t shrug him off.

Nor does he reject the reassuring smile Peter flicked his way in the ship, dark hand raising hesitantly while his eyes crinkled at the corners.

_ ‘Thanks.’  _

_ ‘It’s nothing. We’ll find him.’  _

They do, of course.

And the three of them, together, was a short lived moment, before they’re being pushed aside by Doofenshmirtz’s mild crisis over a balloon.

He and Perry shared a look of concern, both unwilling to make the first move; unsure of the right path to take, whether comfort was the right choice or to just leave the scientist be. 

Instead, Peter resigned himself to one last scathing comment while Doofenshmirtz dragged himself off- a quick dig at the agent’s height. 

“You fight well for a little guy.” 

Perry didn’t rise to the bait, frowning as he began to gather up the remnants of the rubber bits from Heinz’s balloon.  He tucked them away, and turned towards Peter, brown eyes gazing thoughtfully up at his coworker. 

Peter expected the cursory, curt nod he always gave upon his departures, but instead, Perry lifted a finger up towards his face.

_ ‘Dinner _ ?’

The sign was less sharp than his usual movements, firm and gentle as he reached out to rest a hand on Peter’s arm.

Peter raised an eyebrow, mouth opening slightly, before he resigned himself to signing as well.

_ ‘I don’t think he’s in any shape to enjoy an outing.’ _

Doofenshmirtz had slumped against one of the walls as he waited, and Perry looked as if he was itching to go over, to offer some sort of comfort, no matter how uncomfortable he looked, but he stood firm. 

The pair were both really, _ really  _ quite strange. 

Perry shook his head, then motioned quickly between the two of them, undulating his hand until Peter drew his gaze away from the scientist. 

_ ‘Just us.’ _

He looked down at the debilitated pieces of balloon in his grasp, mouth tightening into a thin line. 

_ ‘I’ll fix this, and then we have dinner.’  _ He paused, eyes significantly warmer than Peter had ever seen them,  _ ‘Just us.’ _

Peter shifted his view back over to Doofenshmirtz, and felt surprisingly sympathetic. He liked the man. He liked both of them, even if they were both continually proving to be harder and harder to understand.

He offered a half smile to the agent, and gestured to the exit. 

_ ‘Alright. Just us.’  _

**Author's Note:**

> That scene at the end of Meapless in Seattle? The one where Peter and Perry are having dinner together? Love it. 
> 
> I also have a P&F Sideblog for my Human AU needs.


End file.
